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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny christmas card verses and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Kids
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In thefirst room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out 'GREEN SIDE UP!'. In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'. The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'. The lady then asked him, 'Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?'. 'I'm sorry, ' came the reply. 'But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street. '
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American Joke
World War III. The U. S. A. have succeeded in building a fantastic computer that is able to solve any strategical or tactical problem. The military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine. They describe the situation to the computer and then ask it:
'Shall we attack? Shall we retreat?'
The computer computes for an hour and then comes up with the answer.
'Yes!'
The generals, rather stupefied, look at each other. Finally one of them asks the computer:
'Yes, what?'
After another fifteen minutes the computer replies:
'Yes, Sir!'
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Do you know why there aren't any ice cubes in Poland?The inventor died and took the recipe with him.
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Top 100 Joke
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! 'Damn. ' A bad skydiver goes, 'Damn. ' WHACK!Q: What do you call skydiving lawyers? A: Skeet. Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive? A: Because it scares the dog. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path. Q: How do you get holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it. Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall? A: 'Dam!'Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? A: Polaroids. Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A: A stick. Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A: Nacho Cheese. Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses. Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? A: Quatro sinko. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A: A nervous wreck. Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? A: Right where you left him. Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: Because they have big fingersQ: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? A: Sanka. Q: Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. Q: How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? A: Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
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Farming Joke
A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. 'Your trouble is probably in the carburetor, ' said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story. 'Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?' asked the farmer. 'Yes, yes, ' the man replied. 'Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie, ' said the farmer. 'She doesn't know a thing about cars. '
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Dirty Joke
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch.
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Best Joke Online
They are: Her Doctor; he says, 'Take your clothes off. 'Her Dentist; he says, 'Open wide. 'Her Veterinarian; he says, 'And how is your little pussy doing today?'Her Gardener; he says, 'Do you want me to mulch your bush?'Her Hairdresser; he says, 'Do you want it teased or blown?'Her Interior Decorator; he says, 'You'll like it once it's in. 'Her Hunter; he goes deep into the bush, shoots several times, and always eats what he shoots. Her Remodeler; he says, 'It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering. 'Her Milkman; he says, 'Do you want it in front or in back?'Her Banker; he says, 'If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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