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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny cell phone jokes and other funny jokes |
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Stand Up Joke
When we were dating, my husband used to always tell me those three magic words, 'I love you'. Now that we are married, those three magic words have become, 'What's for dinner?'When we were dating, my husband would gently rub me with hot oil while he affectionately called me lovely nicknames. Now that we are married, he gently rubs his car with hot wax, which now has its own pet nickname. When we were dating, my husband would always love to watch me undress. Now that we are married, he loves to watch championship wrestling. When we were dating, my husband read poetry to me as he caressed me in his arms late into the night. Now that we are married, he quotes me sports statistics and stock prices during breakfast. When we were dating, my husband would passionately motivate and urge me on in whatever I did, whether it was at my job or during sex. Now that we are married, the only thing he passionately urges on is his favorite football team. When we were dating, my husband would make love to me on his waterbed like a sex-starved wild beast who would go on and on. So we called the bed our 'Ocean Of Motion Love Potion'. Now that we are married, the bed has been renamed 'The Dead Sea'.
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Food Joke
What looks just like half a loaf of bread? Its other half.
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Dirty Joke
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment.
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Short Stupid Joke
This guy is just starting off his career as a ventriliquist and he's going around town looking for a job. He finds one at a local nightclub. So, on his first night, he's going through his normal routine of blonde jokes. All of a sudden, this blonde stands up in the fourth row and says, 'Excuse me, mister, but no physical attribute of mine affects my mental capability!'The guy is flabbergasted. He stands up and tries to apologize, but is cut off when she says, -'You stay out of this, mister. I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that jerk on your knee!'
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Dead and dying Joke
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick !
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Love and Marriage Joke
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, 'You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face. '
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, 'Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!'
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Rabbit Joke
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.
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Bible Joke
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day. So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:'Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor andsuffer many an indignity. Why is this?'And a great voice was heard from above:'BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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