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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny cat posters and other funny jokes |
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Funny Kids Joke
What is a chameleon's motto?A change is as good as a rest!
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Monster Joke
What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has sixteen wheels? A monster on roller-skates.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
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Random Joke
There is a drunk driver. He goes and hits a car with a woman driving it. Whos fault is it?The Woman's, she should of never left the kitchen!
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Animal World
A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. 'Is this the vet?' asked an elderly lady's voice. 'Yes, it is', replied the vet, 'Is this an emergency?''Well, sort of', said the elderly lady, 'there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?' There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied 'Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone''Really?' said the elderly lady, 'Will that will that stop them?''Should do, ' said the vet, '- IT STOPPED ME!'
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Dirty Joke
Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? A: Men usually miss all three.
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Joke Online
Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring. The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. 'O. K. buy 100 shares, ' the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, 'I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere. 'On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, 'I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone. ' The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway. On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, 'O. K. , sell the company now. ' Then he loosens up and tells the others, 'I'm so important that I had my company put a microphone in my lip and a speaker in my ear. That way all I need to do is stand up straight to get the signal. 'Everybody is really impressed and they continue playing. At the next tee they hear another phone. All of a sudden, the Japanese executive runs into the bushes. After a few minutes, the others get worried about him so they go into the bushes to find him. They find him with his pants around his knees, squatting. 'Oh, we're sorry, ' the American exclaims, somewhat embarassed, 'we'll leave you alone. ''That's O. K. ', the Japanese executive says, 'I'm just waiting for a fax!'
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Pig Joke
So this guy wants to have a luau. He needs a pig for a luau, so he goes to a pig farm. He asks the farmer for a twenty- pound pig.
The farmer goes into the pen, searches around awhile. He picks up a pig, puts the tail in his mouth, and begins swinging the pig around for a few seconds. He puts the pig down, and says, 'Nope, not quite twenty pounds. '
He picks up another, puts the tail in his mouth, swings the pig around awhile, and declares, 'This one's twenty pounds!'
He brings the pig out, and the man says in a shocked tone, 'You can't weigh a pig like that!'
'Sure I can,' said the farmer, 'Watch this. ' He called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The boy came over, picked up the pig, put its tail in his mouth, and swung it around awhile. He put the pig down and said, 'This one weighs twenty pounds. '
The man still looked perplexed, so the farmer told the boy to get his mother so that she can weigh the pig.
After five minutes, the boy returned alone. 'She can't come out just yet,' the boy said. 'She's weighing the mailman. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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