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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny cat films and other funny jokes |
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Totally Weird Joke
Over drinks one evening two gentleman were having a discussion about the charms, or lack there-of of the super model Stephanie Seymour. 'I say she's highly over-rated, ' said one 'Take away her eyes, her lips, her legs and that figure, and what have ya got?'My wife' said the other with a heavy sigh!
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Burger Joke
Which is the meat patties' least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
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Satire Joke
Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as 'restrooms, ' 'bathrooms, ' 'outhouses, ' 'commodes, ' 'men's rooms, ' and several other names. As with any exclusive organization, wholly half the human race aren't allowed through the door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to maintain a sense of order and dignity. General rules:1. Don't talk to somebody you don't know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself. 2. A quick glance in the mirror is permissible, but absolutely don't spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing, etc. Zit popping is only permissible after checking to see nobody else is around. 3. No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only. 4. If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to keep looking around. Read graffiti. Grafitti rules:5. All graffiti is anonymous. If there's any chance somebody can trace your graffiti back to you, don't do it. 6. Writing graffiti in the open section of the bathroom is only acceptable if nobody can see you. Writing in the stalls is similarly acceptable. 7. If the bathroom is sufficiently public, feel free to insult different ethnic/racial/sexual groups. If the bathroom is used by a small few, restraint comments to amusing anecdotes or chit-chat about secretaries. If visiting dignitaries from other companies or the government may tend to use the bathroom, graffiti is forbidden. 8. Traditionally, all pictures feature women in various states of undress. Modern standards often include portions of male anatomy, discretely placed. Homosexual graffiti is generally frowned upon but is gaining popularity. 9. Pictures must only be drawn in toilet stalls. 10. Any sufficiently interesting graffiti will be painted over by the management of the bathroom. Urinal rules:11. Given a string of unoccupied urinals, you must choose one on the outside. When one outside urinal is occupied, use the other side, then middle. Avoid standing directly next to somebody at all costs. For example, given seven urinals, here are acceptable configurations: X. . . . . . (X = occupied, . = empty) X. . . . . X X. . X. . X X. X. X. X XXX. X. X <-- These are only acceptable when significant XXX. XXX <-- 'privacy' dividers are available. If the Archive of funny cat films and other funny jokesXXX <-- urinals aren't divided, use a toilet. 12. Always look at the wall. Looking down means you're obsessed or don't know what you're doing. Looking at other people is threatening. 13. Flushing is optional. Over time, the water will become a rich orange. At this point, flushing is mandatory. 14. Don't start unzipping until you're protected by the privacy of the urinal. Don't step back until you've closed your pants again. Toilet rules:15. Reduce noise at all costs. Grunting is not acceptable. 16. Always flush. 17. When you find an unflushed toilet, leave it alone and use another. Special cases:18. Some university dormitories have co-ed bathrooms. New rules apply for dealing with the females. a. Never, ever, comment on how they look in the morning. b. Don't ask what the little wastebasket is for. c. If urinals are present, only use them when absolutely no females are around. If you are noticed by a female, try your best to ignore her presence until you're dressed again. 19. Port-O-Let's and similar constructions are evil. Use them only if absolutely no other option is available. 20. In the woods, far from civilization, restrooms typically aren't available. Get behind sufficient growth so that you are completely invisible to the remainder of your party before you begin. Check carefully that you aren't near any sort of animal or insect den. Ants are especially bad. If you forgot toilet paper, bring a leaf identifying guide. Poison oak makes a poor substitute.
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Mental health Joke
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon. Sit there and don't stir.
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Blonde Joke - 1
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the 'Vacant' sign up?Did you hear about the blonde who was an M. D. --Mentally Deficient?Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
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Ghost Joke
Did you hear about the ghost who learnt to fly? He was pleased to be back on terror-firma.
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Burger Joke
Why do hamburgers make good baseball players? They're great at the plate!
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Political Joke
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington DC this Christmasseason. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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