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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny car signs and other funny jokes |
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Election Joke
Sadam Husain calls Bill clinton and tells him: 'Bill, I called because I had a dream. '
Clinton: 'What was the dream about, Sadam?'
Sadam: 'I dreamt that USA was rebuilt and on the top of each house there was a flag. '
Clinton: 'And what was written on the flag?'
Sadam: 'Allah is big, Allah is great!!!'
Clinton: 'You know what Sadam, it's good that you called because i had a dream too. In my dream Bagdad was rebuilt and on the top of each building there was a flag too. '
Sadam: 'What was written on the flags?'
Clinton: 'Idon't know, I cant read hebrew!!!!'
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Dirty Joke
An elderly man visits his doctor. 'Doctor, I would like you to examine me to see if I am sexually fit. ' 'Very well, let me see your sex organs, please. ' The aged patient replied o. k. 'And stuck out his index finger and his tongue. '
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Christmas Joke - 2
What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !
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Bed Joke
Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. 'I've just bought a pig, ' said the first. 'But where will you keep it?' said the second. 'Your yard's much too small for a pig!' 'I'm going to keep it under my bed, ' replied his friend. 'But what about the smell?' 'He'll soon get used to that. '
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Practical Joke
Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order. Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window. Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup. Ask how they fit into that little box. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said 'May I take your order?' When asked if they can take your order say 'No, why can't I take yours?' If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you. Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away. Tell them you have to use the bathroom. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
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School Joke
Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
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Spoof Joke
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, 'This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill'. The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. 'What's so funny?' asks the clerk. 'I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house', the man replies. The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, 'Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off. 'The man takes another look through the scope and says, 'You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!'
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Pig Joke
The hog was a failure as a TV talk show host What happened?
He turned out to be a big boar.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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