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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny calls and other funny jokes |
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Legal Humor
Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren'tprepared for the answer:In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called hisfirst witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. Heapproached her and asked, 'Mrs. . Jones, do you know me?' Sheresponded, 'Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you sinceyou were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointmentto me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talkabout them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when youhaven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything morethan a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. 'The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed acrossthe room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'She replied, 'Why yes, I do. I 've known Mr. Bradley since he was ayoungster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. Hecan't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice isone of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated onhis wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, Iknow him. ' The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a veryquiet voice said, 'If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt. '
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School Joke
Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off. Pupil: You have my permission !
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Birthday Joke
How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday? Ten. Oh, I don't think That's possible. Oh, yes it is - I'm nine today.
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Comedian Joke
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?-George Carlin
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Business Joke
The Ten Commandments Of Employment If it rings, put it on hold. If it clunks, call the repairman. If it whistles, ignore it. If it's a friend, stop work and chat. If it's the boss, look busy. If it talks, take notes. If it's handwritten, type it. if it's typed, copy it. If it's copied, file it. If it's Friday, forget it!
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Strange Humor
A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time. Which made it to the ground first? The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
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Worlds Best Joke
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, 'Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. 'They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, 'Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore. ' At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. 'Look, ' she said, 'I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!'
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Spoof Joke
A spokesperson for the U. S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt, on the other, Nathan Hale. Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the official replied, . . . 'Now, when you have a coin toss, you can simply call 'Teds, or Hales!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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