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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny cake toppers and other funny jokes |
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Men Joke
How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two to show off and shake the stove.
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Silliest Joke
Girl Lingo:The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys. The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first. The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too. The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings. The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy. The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish?The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage. The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman. Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party. The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover. The Unintended Result: 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy; 1a) Men often go looking for sex and end up finding love; 2) Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex; 2a) Women often go looking for love and end up finding only sex. The Rabbit Rule: Only newlyweds and liars make love every day. The Dangle Doctrine: You can't keep a good man down. Twain's Truth: Familarity breeds children. The Fertility Factor: Women are only fertile a few days each month, unless they're single. The Preparation Predicament: The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.
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Miscellaneous Joke
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with 'A man once told me. . . ' How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!' In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, 'I haven't eaten anything for days. ' She looked at him and said, 'God, I wish I had your willpower. ' Young Son: 'Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?' Dad: That happens in every country, son. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: 'Wife Wanted. ' The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine. '
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Love and Marriage Joke
Why was the broom late ? It over swept !
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Animal World
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. Hesurpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to himafter an encounter with a porcupine. After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, hereturned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed. 'Fifteen dollars, Ma'am, ' he answered. 'Why that's simply outrageous!' she stormed. 'That's what's wrong withyou Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?''Raise porcupines, Ma'am. '
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Funny College Joke
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: 'Is this a question?' - Discuss. After a short time he wrote: 'If that is a question, then this is an answer. ' The student received an 'A' on the exam. A Boston brokerage house advertised for a 'young Harvard graduate or the equivalent. ' Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale grad. He said, 'Do you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part time?'
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I Don’t Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It
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Various animal Joke
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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