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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny bones ahlberg and other funny jokes |
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Stand Up Joke
This particular Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants took advantage of his good nature, and would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following effective sign: This parking space belongs to the Wizard. . . . Violators will be toad!
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Priceless Joke
Why did the chicken cross the road?:JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the 'other side. ' That's what 'they' call it: the 'other side. ' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. ' That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. : I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken '98
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Bumper Stickers - 1
A good day is when the shit hits the fan and I have time to duck.
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Elephant Joke
Why don't elephants like martinis? Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?
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Insect Joke
What do you call an ant with frog's legs? An antphibian.
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Doctor Joke
Pete was sitting at home one evening when the doorbell rang. He opened the door to see a 6-foot-tall cockroach standing on his doorstep. The cockroach punched Pete between the eyes and scampered off. The next evening, Pete was sitting at home wen the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again. This time, he hit Pete in the stomach and karate chopped him on the back before running away. The third evening, Pete as again sitting at home when he heard the doorbell. He answered the door and for the third time the cockroach was there. It leapt at him and managed to stab him several times before running off. The gravely injured Pete was barely able to crawl to the telephone and summon an ambulance. He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life. The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He stopped by Pete's hospital room and asked him what happened. Pete explained about the 6-foot-tall cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near-fatal stabbing. The doctor looked thoughtful for a moment and said, 'Yes, there's a nasty bug going around!'
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Elephant Joke
Two elephants jumped off a cliff. . . . . . . BOOM BOOM!
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Ethnic Humor
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, itwas announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah willmerge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that theoverhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milkingbeing the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to 'A great miracle happened there, ' themessage on the dreydl will be the more generic 'Miraculous stuff happens. 'In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Clausand his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least threehundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. Abreakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain thecompetitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading allpresent in a rousing rendition of 'Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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