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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny bones activities and other funny jokes |
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Village Idiot Joke
Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes them saying 'you can do as you please in Heaven, just don't step on any ducks. ' The women are puzzled but proceed into Heaven. Looking around, they notice there are ducks everywhere. In a matter of minutes, one of the women steps on a duck. Saint Peter walks up to the woman with a hideously ugly man. Saint Peter shackles the man and the woman together and says, 'for stepping on a duck, you have to spend eternity chained to this ugly man. ' The other two women are shocked but go about their business until, sure enough, another woman steps on a duck. Immediately Saint Peter comes and shackles her to another ugly man. The last woman tries desperately to not step on a duck. After a few months of not stepping on any ducks, Saint Peter walks up to the woman accompanied by a stunningly handsome man. He shackles the woman to the man and after a while, the woman being thrilled to be chained to such a handsome man, says 'I don't know what I did to deserve this. ' The man replies, 'I don't know what you did lady, but I stepped on a duck. '
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversyon when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is notconsidered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
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Political Joke
A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air. There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. 'Because I'm not a liberal Democrat. ' 'Then, ' asks the teacher, 'What are you?' 'Why I'm a proud conservative Republican, ' boasts the little girl. The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican. 'Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too. ' The teacher, now angry, loudly says, 'That's no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron? What would you be then?' The teacher paused and smiled. 'Then, ' Lucy said, 'I'd be a liberal Democrat. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
How do you make 5 lbs. of fat attractive? Put a nipple on it.
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Top 100 Joke
How does a real man know whenever his girlfriend is having an orgasm?A real man doesn't care.
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Dog Joke - 1
If a beagle can't play a bugle in the marching band, what's his other favorite instrument to play? A trombone.
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Police Joke
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, 'Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube. 'The man says, 'Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack. ''Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample. ' 'I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death. ''Well, then we need a urine sample. ''I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar. ''Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line. ''I can't do that, officer. ''Why not?''Because I'm too drunk to do that!'
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of dog is the smartest? A great brain!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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