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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny birthday limericks and other funny jokes |
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Spoof Joke
We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons, ' where :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :o) and :o( respectively. Well, how about some 'assicons'?Here's a few:(_!_) a regular ass(__!__) a fat ass(!) a tight ass(_^^_) a bubble ass(_*_) a sore ass{_!_} a swishy ass(_o_) an ass that's been around(_x_) kiss my ass(_X_) leave my ass alone(_zzz_) a tired ass(_o^^o_) a wise ass(_E=mc2_) a smart ass(_$_) Money coming out of his ass(_?_) Dumb Ass
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Funny Kids Joke
What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?A grasshover!
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Funny Joke Online
Q. How can you tell when a Jewish girl has an orgasm?A. She drops her nail file.
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Animal Joke
A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, 'I can see you, and so can Jesus!'Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business. 'I can see you, and so can Jesus!'The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, 'I can see you, and so can Jesus!''So what, ' says the burglar, 'you're only a parrot!'To which the parrot replies, 'Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!'
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Funny College Joke
Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.
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Joke for Speeches
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. 'Doctor, ' she asks nervously, 'can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?''Certainly, ' replies the doctor, 'Where do you think lawyers come from!'
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Statistics and Math Joke
Theorem: 1 = -1Proof:1 = sqrt(1) = sqrt(-1 * -1) = sqrt(-1) * sqrt(-1) = 1^ = -1Also one can disprove the axiom that things equal to the same thing are equal to each other. 1 = sqrt(1)-1 = sqrt(1)Therefore 1 = -1As an alternative method for solving:Theorem: 1 = -1Proof:x=1x^2=xx^2-1=x-1(x+1)(x-1)=(x-1)(x+1)=(x-1)/(x-1)x+1=1x=00=1=> 0/0=1/1=1
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Stand Up Joke
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a 'cube farm' (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. 'We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists. 'TREEWARE - Printed computer software/hardware documentation. CLM (Career Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CEB - Career Ending Behavior)OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (See CLM)ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the admini-sphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the engineer in the job-from-hell comic strip character. 'I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week. 'SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops on everything, and then leaves. SALMON WEEK - The experience of spending an entire week swimming upstream only to die, and someone else get the benefit. 404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message '404 Not Found, ' meaning that the requested document could not be located. 'Don't bother asking him. . . he's '404
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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