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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny birthday greetings and other funny jokes |
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Practical Joke
Along time ago two Scottsmen are in a pub. One scottsman says, 'I'm going to invent a game. ' The second man asks, 'What do you have to do?' The first man says, 'You have to get a ball in a hole. 'The second man asks, 'So it's like billiards?'The first man says, 'No, its going to be much farther away. 'The second man asks 'So, it's somthing like bowling?'The first man says, 'No, it's going to be played on grass, and it's going to twist and turn. 'So the second man asks, 'So it's kind of like croquet?'The first man says, 'NO, I'm going to put in tall grass, and water, and sand, and trees, just to piss you off!'So the second man asks, 'So you do this once?'The first man replies, 'NO, you do it EIGHTEEN TIMES!!'
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Snake Joke
What do most people do when they see a python ? They re-coil !
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Love and Marriage Joke
You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common, said the new tenant's neighbor. 'Why on earth did you get married?' 'I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract
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Political Joke
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total, ' saidthe genie. The Canadian said, 'I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada. ' With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state. ' Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan. George W. Bush, said, 'I'm very curious, please tell me more about this wall. ' The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about '15
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Zoo Joke
Two young nuns having just been ordained were on a holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo. The gorilla took one look at this beautiful young nun, bent the bars, lept to the ground and kissed her. Then he went back into his cage, straightened the bars and resumed thumping on his massive chest. The nouns met again a week later and one of the nouns asked her friend, 'I have one question. Did he sent flowers afterwards. . . ?'
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Pig Joke
What instrument do piggys play in a band? Pigcussion!
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Just for Laughs Joke
A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after an evening of partying ashore. As they climbed the gangway, the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above, him he shouted, 'Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!'The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. 'Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also took a dump in your pants. '
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Bicycle Joke
When is a bicycle not a bicycle? When it turns into a driveway.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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