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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny birthday emails and other funny jokes |
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Aardvark Joke
What has six legs, two arms, four eyes and a tail? A man holding an aardvark.
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Monster Joke
What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'? A monster in a traffic jam.
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Dirty Joke
Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.
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Fun Joke
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:Officer: May I see your driver's license?Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:Captain: Sir, can I see your license?Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this?Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk?Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!
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Rabbit Joke
What's the fastest way to send a rabbit? Haremail.
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School Joke
Walking To School The First Day Back - by Misty Bus
The Day The Car Pool Forgot Me - by I. Rhoda Bike
Can't See The Chalkboard - by Sidney Backrow
Practical Jokes I Played On The First Day Of School - by Major Crackupp
What I Dislike About Returning To School - by Mona Lott
Making It Through The First Week Of School - by Gladys Saturday
Is Life Over When Summer Ends? - by Midas Welbee
What I Love About Returning To School - by I. M. Kidding
Will Jimmy Finally Graduate? - by I. Betty Wont
What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School - by U. Will Gettitt
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Religious Joke
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
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Christmas Joke - 1
Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you've had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It's really neat how you're able to do that year after year. I guess that's how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you run Christmas. You really have a handle on it. You find out what people want (with letters like this and having kids tell you in person), and then you make the presents and control how they are delivered. It's an impressive operation. I also like how you've got it to where when somebody says 'Christmas presents, ' people automatically think Santa Claus. What a marketing advantage. Best of all, even though you're a huge success, people still don't know much about your private life. It's just rumors. That's so neat. I think being at the North Pole helps. That was a good move. For example, when you're designing toys, only your elves know what you're doing, and you're way up there where nobody can spy on you and steal your ideas. And even if they do, you can always just let it out that you're making the same stuff to bring to people for free, so why would they buy the other guy's stuff?Also, other people who make Christmas presents can't deliver them like you can. Yours is the only sleigh on the distribution highway. You must get some great discounts from them, because if they don't play ball you can just refuse to give out their presents. Very Sharp. What I don't get is why you give away stuff. That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I admit, its why you're number one- who could compete with a deal like that? But it must make it hard to stay in business, especially when you have to visit every kid in the world. You have to keep growing or fail. Here's an idea on how you can help finance your operation: Give everybody at least one present at Christmas, then you could make batteries and sell them the rest of the year. It would create a demand: You give people something and then sell them what they need to make it work. Another thing, about you coming down the chimney. That's so slow and inefficient. And what about all the people who don't have chimneys? Santa. I have one word for you--windows. Everybody has windows. That's about all I have to say. You're probably wondering if I was good or bad this year, but I don't really like to talk about my personal life, if that's O. K. (Just out of curiosity: When you were a boy, did any of the other kids call you a nerd?) Anyway, I don't really have anything to ask for. Mostly I think up something to play with and then build it myself. I guess I'm sort of like you--I make my own toys. Best of luck, Billy Gates
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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