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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny birthday card verses and other funny jokes |
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Birthday Joke
Did you hear about the time Eddy's sister tried to make a birthday cake ? The candles melted in the oven.
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School Joke for Kids
One day a man went hunting for ducks. When he was done he was going to his Chevy and he got a vist from The Game Warden. The Warden said 'Hey Sir, what ya huntin?'The man said 'Ducks. 'The Warden said 'Did ya have any luck?'He said 'Got 3. 'The Warden said 'Let Me see them. ' The Warden stuck his finger up the ducks butt, smelled it and said 'This duck is from Ohio, do you have a stamp for it?'The Man gave him the stamp. The Warden picked up the 2nd duck did the same thing and said 'Kentuky duck, got a stamp?'The man gave him the stamp. The Warden did the same thing with the last duck and said 'Canada duck. Stamp?'The man gave him the stamp. Then the Warden said 'Where you from anyway?'The man pulled down his pants and said 'You're the expert, you tell me!'
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Food Joke
When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he become? Lone Lee.
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Yo Mama Joke
one leg and a bicycle. 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses. so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it. one hand and a Clapper. green hair and thinks she's a tree. one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying. 10 fingers--all on the same hand. a glass eye with a fish in it. a short leg and walks in circles. a short arm and can't applaude. so many freckles she looks like a hamburger! three fingers and a banjo. a wooden leg with a kickstand on it. a bald head with a part and sideburns. a wooden leg with branches. so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.
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Fun Funny Joke
An executive with a new young wife and a yen for golf decided about December one year that he couldn't take it any longer. So he said to his wife one evening, 'Honey, next Friday we're going to Hilton Head for the weekend. We'll get a condo on the golf course and I'm going to play golf all weekend. ' 'That sounds fine, ' she purred. And, sure enough, next Saturday morning at 6 a. m. , found him on the golf course, all alone. After playing two holes, he noticed a man carrying a golf bag walking toward him across a fairway. The exec. waited, and the other man arrived, saying, 'Mind if I play along?' The exec. said, 'Fine. Glad to have the company. ' All went well for a couple of holes, until each approached the sixth green. When the new fellow laid down his clubs, the cover came off one club. The exec. noticed, however, that it wasn't a club at all. It was a high powered rifle. 'Whoa, ' he said. 'That's a high powered rifle!' 'Look, ' said the other man. 'I'm not out to cause any trouble. If you want me to leave, I will. No hard feelings. ' 'No. No, ' said the exec. 'I'm just curious as to why you have a high-powered rifle in your bag. ' The other man pondered for a moment and then said, 'Well, I'll tell you. It's my business. It's what I do for a living. ' 'Wow, ' said the other. 'I've heard about guys like you, but I've never met one before. ' 'Still want me to play?' said the other. 'Sure, ' said the Erie exec. 'As a matter of fact, you know, I do a little hunting. Would you mind if I look at it?' The other man showed him the rifle. It was beautiful--an inlaid Weatherby with a huge powerful scope mounted on it. The exec. picked it up, looked through the scope, and said, 'Gee, I can see the window of my condo with this thing. Matter of fact, there's my wife. ' He lowered the gun for a moment and said, 'she doesn't have any clothes on. ' He looked through the scope again. 'Damn, there's a guy with her. ' The Erie exec. lowered the rifle and looked at the other man. 'How much do you charge?' '$'10
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Children Joke
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, 'Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?' Her grandson replied, 'You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup. '
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Snake Joke
What's a snakes favourite TV program ? Monty Python!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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