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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny birthday animations and other funny jokes |
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Movie and TV Joke
An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative. ' So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent's desk. `So you do bird impressions, ' said the agent, `what else can you do?'
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Strange Humor
Famous interpretations of 'Why did the Chicken cross the road?'Bill Clinton:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please. . . Louis Farrakhan:The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the 'black man' in order to trample him down!Colonel Sanders:I missed one?L. A Poliece Department:Give us five minutes with the chicken, and we'll find out. Jerry Falwell:Because the chicken was gay! isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what 'they' call it: the 'other side'. Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!Ronald Regan:What Chicken?Saddam Hussein:This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you're telling me?Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Marting Luther King, Jr. : I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken '2000
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Car and train Joke
Policeman: Why were you speeding?
Driver: I didn't want to be late for my trial.
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Face Joke
Counselor: Wash your face. I can see what you had for breakfast. Henry: If you're so smart, what did I have? Counselor: Eggs. Henry: Wrong. I had eggs yesterday!
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Practical Joke
Q: What's red and goes up and down?A: A tomato in an elevator. Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?A: We have to stick together. Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?A: Hello, hello. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?A: A bulldoser. Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?A: When he steals a base. Q: What did the can say to the can opener?A: You make me flip my lid. Q: What is a volcano?A: A mountain with the hiccups. Q: What do you find at the end of everything?A: The letter 'g'. Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?A: He called a toe truck. Q: Why do two skunks argue?A: Because they like to kick up a stink. Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?A: You can count on me. Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?A: Put them in a barking lot. Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?A: He wanted to be a cool cat. Q: What did the painter say to the wall?A: One more crack and I'll plaster you. Q: Why is baseball like a cake?A: They both need batters. Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?A: Take me to your weeder. Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?A: Slippers!Q: What did the rug say to the floor?A: I've got you covered!Q: How do you make antifreeze?A: You steal her blanket. Q: Why does a cow wear a bell?A: Because her horns don't work.
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Strange Humor
Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is allowed entry to Heaven. The second man offers a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier that evening. He too is allowed entry to Heaven. The third man reaches into his pocket and produces a pair of panties. Confused at the man's gesture, St. Peter asks, 'How do panties represent Christmas?'The man replies, 'Oh, they're Carol's. '
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The 'Environmental Engineering News' published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, 'He's drunk and in jail. 'In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the spouse is jailed. In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there's an automatic jail term of one year. In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven twenty miles out of town and forced to walk back ten miles. In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction results in capital punishment. In El Salvador, your first offense is your last -- execution by firing squad. From the August Road & Track.
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Cow Joke
Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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