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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny bibs and other funny jokes |
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Dirty Joke
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand. . . nothing. So, I tried with my left hand. . . nothing. My wife tried with her right hand. . . nothing. Her left hand. . . nothing. Her mouth. . . nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth. . . . still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
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Joke for Holidays
So Sven and Ole were out working in the forest one day. They had just gotten jobs as lumber jacks. Well one say they were working along cutting down all the trees that had the big red X on them. As instructed by the foreman they were to yell 'TIMBER!' whenever the tree was about to fall. Ole was cutting down a tree and yelled 'Timber' and all of a sudden he saw a skidder pulling a tree out of the woods drive right under where the tree was about to fall. There was nothing he could do about it. The tree fell on the cab killing poor 'ol DooDah. That was his name for his parents gave it to him. He was a young man recentley married. Well Sven and Ole didn't know what to do, so they called the priest and he said to go talk and comfort DooDah's now widow. Well they walked out of the forest into town and arrived at the widows house. They were dumbfounded and didn't know what to think or say. So quickly as the fact the tree fell. . . . . Sven rang the doorbell. A few minutes later the widow DooDah appeared at the door. Sven says that Ole has something to say. He's at a loss of words and all that comes out of his mouth is 'GUESS WHO DIED IN THE WOODS TODAY . . . . !'
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.
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Aardvark Joke
What do you call an aardvark that plays poker? A cardvark!
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Zoo Joke
What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses? Nothing, he didn't recognize them!
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Romance Joke
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. 'Ladies, exercise is good for you, ' announced the teacher. 'Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!'The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. 'Yes?' asked the instructor. 'Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?'
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Why are you so excited?, the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. 'But doc, this is my first operation. ' 'Really? It's mine too, and I am not excited at all. '
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Bar Joke - 1
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a cold one. The bartender gives it to him and says 'that'll be $25. '
A minute later making conversation the bartender says 'We don't get many gorillas round these parts. '
The gorilla replies 'At these prices, you won't get many more, either!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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