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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny bday cards and other funny jokes |
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Farmer Joke
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, 'You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens. ' 'What do you want me to do?' asked the sheriff. 'I don't care, just do something about those drivers!' So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, 'You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster. ' So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY And that really sped them up. So the f armer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, 'Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?' The sheriff told him, 'Sure thing, put up your own sign. ' He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. 'How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?' 'Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy. ' And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, 'I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign. . . There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers. ' So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And writte n in large yellow letters were the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLON
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
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Joke Online
If Sony made toasters. . . Their Sony Toastman, which would be barely larger thanthe single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can beconveniently attached to your belt.
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Naughty Joke
Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each other. The first one says, 'My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation, ' and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor. The second one says, 'Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes, ' and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number three says, 'Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis. ' After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, 'Girls, I've got a confession to make: I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my folks' house in Terre Haute for two weeks. ' The second one says, 'Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes; it's a Plymouth. ' 'Well, I've got a confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one leg. '
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Internet Joke
Have you seen www. quasimodo. com? I'm not sure, but certainly rings a bell.
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Comedy Joke
While her husband was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. 'You know, honey, ' she said sweetly, 'Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married. ' 'Honey, ' he replied with a grin, 'Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!'
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Weather Joke
What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common? Both are a glaze
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Office Humor
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' The man said, 'I do Father. ' The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall. ' Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to got to heaven?' 'Certainly, Father, ' was the man's reply. 'Then stand over there against the wall, ' said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father. ' The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?' O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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