|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of funny badges and other funny jokes |
|
Pig Joke
The kids are crazy about a new piglet toy. When they wind it up, it eats all the spinach off their plates.
= = = = = = = = = =
Dirty Joke
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
= = = = = = = = = =
Dumb Joke
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:1 - 'What are you thinking?'The proper answer to this question, of course is, 'I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you. ' Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:a - Baseball b - Football c - How fat you are d - How much prettier she is than you e - How he would spend the insurance money if you diedAccording to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. 'If I wanted you to know, ' Al said, 'I'd be talking instead of thinking. 'The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:2 - 'Do you love me?'The correct answer to this question is, 'Yes. ' For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, 'Yes, dear. ' Wrong answers include:a - I suppose so. b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c - That depends on what you mean by 'love'. d - Does it matter? e - Who, me?3 - 'Do I look fat?'The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, 'No, of course not' and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either. b - Compared to what? c - A little extra weight looks good on you. d - I've seen fatter. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy. 4 - 'Do you think she's prettier than me?'The 'she' in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, 'No, you are much prettier. ' Wrong answers include:a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy. 5 - 'What would you do if I died?'Correct answer: 'Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way. ' This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid exchange:'Dear, ' said the wife. 'What would you do if I died?' 'Why, dear, I would be extremely upset, ' said the husband. 'Why do you ask such a question?' 'Would you remarry?' persevered the wife. 'No, of course not, dear' said the husband. 'Don't you like being married?' said the wife. 'Of course I do, dear' he said. 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?' 'Alright, ' said the husband, 'I'd remarry. ' 'You would?' said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. 'Yes' said the husband. 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?' said the wife after a long pause. 'Well yes, I suppose I would. ' replied the husband. 'I see, ' said the wife indignantly. 'And would you let her wear my old clothes? 'I suppose, if she wanted to' said the husband. 'Really, ' said the wife icily. 'And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?' 'Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do. ' 'Is that so?' said the wife, leaping to her feet. 'And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too. ' 'Of course not, dear, ' said the husband. 'She's left-handed. . . '
= = = = = = = = = =
Bible Joke
A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. 'Madam, ' he said in a broken voice, 'I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400. ' 'How terrible!' exclaimed the preacher's wife. 'May I ask who you are?' The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. 'I'm the landlord, ' he sobbed.
= = = = = = = = = =
Dog Joke - 2
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ? Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !
= = = = = = = = = =
Christmas Joke - 1
How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid.
= = = = = = = = = =
Dirty Joke
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty people from New York City showed up. Never having seen anyone from the Big Apple at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous people from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, 'They're gone!' 'What? All of the New Yorkers are gone?' asked God. 'No!' replied Saint Peter. 'The Pearly Gates!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Pensioner Joke
When I'm a little old lady, then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy. To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door. I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed. And whenever they scold me, I'll hang my head. I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away . . . . . the time to be spent doing chores every day. I'll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone. Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer . . . and never pick up what I drop on the floor. Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish. I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more. When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye. I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then . . when they buy new ones, I'll take them again. I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal . . . . Eat my banana and just drop the peel. Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor. I'll break lots of dishes as though I were four. What fun I shall have, what joy it will be to Live with my children. . . . just the way that they lived with me!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
