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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny background pictures and other funny jokes |
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School Joke for Kids
One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely. 'Why are you laughing?' Asked the nun. 'Oh, It's nothing. ' said the cabby. 'No, really. ' said the nun 'I won't mind. 'So the Cabby told her:'Well, It's really silly but I've always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun. ''Well then, whats your name?' The nun asked'Robert''Are you married?''No. ''Are you christian?''Yes. ''Then Pull into the next alley. 'The cabby was stunned. but he didn't want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab. While driving, the cabby started to cry. 'Why are you crying?' asked the nun'I'm sorry, I've lied. ''How so?''Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I'm Jewish. ''Well, I've done a bit of lying too. . . ' smiled the nun 'My name is George and I'm going to a costume party. '
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Humor Joke
Harry says to his pet parrot Smitty, 'What do you want for your birthday?' Smitty says, 'I want to get laid. 'So Harry takes Smitty to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks, and Smitty goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore. After a few minutes, Harry hears really loud screeching and squawking, so he runs upstairs and into the room. There's Smitty, holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful feathers. 'Harry, says Smitty, what the hell are you doing?'Smitty says, 'For a hundred bucks I want her nude!'
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Law Enforcement Joke
Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it. They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying, 'Go kill your wife of five years. ' The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said, 'I can't do it. ' The instructor replied, 'Then you fail out, so get out. 'The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said, 'Go kill your wife of ten years. ' The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said, 'I can't do it. ' The instructor replied, 'Then you fail out - get out. ' Finally, the third candidate's wife was left in the adjacent room. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the third man and said, 'Go kill your wife of fifteen years. ' The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room where there is silence for one minute. Suddenly, there was the sound of two gunshot, followed by a huge commotion in the room. The third man came out finally, sweating profusely, and said, 'You gave me blanks, so I had to choke her. '
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Joke for Halloween
***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessaryuntil the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason. 9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection. 10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has beenproperly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course. 11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at alltimes. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the courseto be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case. 12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole. 13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permissionbefore attempting to play the back nine. 14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request. 15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
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Dog Joke - 2
Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers? They have short tales!
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Heaven and hell Joke
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, 'What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it. ' The teacher answered quickly, 'That would be the Titanic. ' St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: 'How many people died on the ship?' Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. ''1
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Funny College Joke
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. 'What on earth did you do that for?' shouts Frank. 'You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze. ' Matt replies, 'And we weren't?'
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Funny College Joke
A man was walking along a sidewalk in a very gentle manner, almost as if he were walking on eggs. Two doctors, also on foot, were across the street. They spotted the man and began to discuss his condition. 'Prostrate trouble, ' said the first doctor. 'Oh no, not at all. That's a case of hemorrhoids if ever I saw one', said the other. They tossed it back and forth until one of them suggested going over to talk to the man. 'Mister, this gentleman and I are both doctors, ' said one, 'and if you'll pardon our intrusion, I figured you have a bad prostrate problem, but my colleague thought it to be hemorrhoids. Might you state the problem so that we can solve our little dilemma?''Well', said the man, 'all three of us were wrong. I thought it was gas. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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