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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny baby stuff and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 1
The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: 'I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?' The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the conte nts, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says 'All these years married and I never knew the old girl smoked. ' The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a half-empty bottle of scotch. 'Jings, I knew her all that time an ah didnae ken ma missus drank. ' The Irishman empties his wife's handbag onto the floor, looks through the contents and picks up a half empty packet of condoms. ''Saints preserve us! All dese years an oi never knew me wife was a man. '
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Hair and bald Joke
For what person do all men take off their hats? The barber.
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals ? A guard dog !
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Totally Weird Joke
What's the difference between a man and E. T. ?E. T. phoned home.
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Travel Joke
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, 'Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?''We're taking TWA, ' was the reply. 'We got a great rate!''TWA?' exclaimed the barber. 'That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?''We'll be at the downtown International Marriott. ''That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?''We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope. ''That's rich, ' laughed the barber. 'You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it. 'A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. 'It was wonderful, ' explained the man, 'not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!''Well, ' muttered the barber, 'I know you didn't get to see the pope. ''Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me. ''Really?' asked the Barber. 'What'd he say?'He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?
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Simple Joke
The female always make the rules. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. No male can possibly know all the rules. If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules. The female is never wrong. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong. The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding. The female may change her mind at any time. The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset. The male is expected to mind read at all times. The female is ready when she is ready. The male must be ready at all times.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
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Bible Joke
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, 'The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!' They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. 'Leave us alone you religious nuts!' yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash. 'Do you think, ' said one clergy to the other, 'we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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