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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny baby dummies and other funny jokes |
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Telephone Joke
What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash? Tele-Scope.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. 'Excuse me, ' he said, 'have you lost something?' 'No, ' replied one of the doctors. 'We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone. '
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Red Indian Joke
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, 'Who owns the big white horse outside?' The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, 'I do. Why?' The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, 'I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!' The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, 'Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better. ' Tonto said, 'Sure Kemosabe', and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, 'Who owns that big white horse outside?' The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, 'I do. What is wrong with him this time?' The cowboy says to him, 'Nothing much, I just wanted you to know. . . . . . . . . . . . you left your Injun running!!!'
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Computing Joke
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. 2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. 4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. 5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. 6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. 7. Users find 137 new bugs. 8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. 9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. 10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. 11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. 12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. 13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
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American Joke
There was an American and a british guy in a car whos driving?
THE COPS!
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Joke Online
Q: Why are there no ice cubes in the blonde's freezer? A: She forgot the recipe.
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Love and Marriage Joke
One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, 'If I died, would you remarry?' Peter thought for a second then said 'Yeah I guess I would'. Then his the wife asked, 'well would you have her as your golfing partner?' Peter replied, 'yep I probably would do that too'. 'But surely you wouldn't give her my clubs?!', she cried. Peter looked at her and said, 'Nah, shes left handed. '
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Kids Puns
Sung to the tune of 'Day-O' (The Banana Boat Song)Day-O. . . oh Day-O, Air force come and they flatten your homeRun Mr Taliban, we know where you're hiding, Air force come and they flatten your homeHey USA, USA, USA. . . Air force come and they flatten you home60ft, 70ft, 80ft craters, Air force come and they flatten your homeOld Uncle Sam's pissed, he ain't no quitter, Air force come and they flatten your homeWhen we finish you all be crying, Air force come and they flatten your home, Pilot is brother of New York firemanAir force come and they flatten your home
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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