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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny baby clothes and other funny jokes |
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Hair and bald Joke
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, 'I'll have a shave and a shoe shine. ' The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, 'Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room. ' She replied, 'I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. The cowboy said, 'Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay you the difference. ' She said, 'You tell him. He is the one shaving you. '
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Instrument Joke
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, 'While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down. 'The violist replied, 'You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?'
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Bird Joke
What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang' ? A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons !
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Assorted Joke
Sex in a boat - oar-gasms. Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms. Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms. Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms. Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms. Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms. Sex with a prostitute - whore-gasms. Sex with an accountant - bore-gasms. Sex while sleeping - snore-gasms. Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms. Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eyeore-gasms. Sex while broke - poor-gasms. Sex with a lion - roar-gasms. Sex for hours and hours on end - sore-gasms. Sex on a golf course - fore-gasms. Sex with a nymphomaniac (or Ritzi) - more-gasms. Sex in a gold mine - ore-gasms. Sex with a dermatologist - pore-gasms. Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms. Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers - s'more-gasms. Sex with a bullfighter - toreador-gasms. Sex with a masked man carrying a sword - zorro-gasms. Sex on the beach - shore-gasms. Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet - smorgasbord-gasms. Sex on a cruise ship deck - shuffleboard-gasms. Sex in asia - Singapore-gasms. Sex among the wonders of nature - outdoor-gasms. Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can - odor-gasms. Sex on the way to the train - 'All Aboard'-gasms. Sex that wasn't very satisfying - 'There's the door'-gasms. Sex in an adult theater - hard-core-gasms. Sex with someone who's not paying attention - ignore-gasms. Sex with a competitive partner - score-gasms. Sex while flying - soar-gasms. Sex with a beloved partner - adore-gasms. Sex with a meat-eater - carnivore-gasms. Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo - pompadore-gasms. Sex with someone who's got bad taste in clothes - velour-gasms. Sex while travelling - tour-gasms. Sex with a big dog - labrador-gasms. Sex with Beavis and Butthead - 'GonnaScore'-gasms. Sex on stairs at the mall - escalator-gasms. Sex with three of your friends - four-gasms. Sex with a norse God - Thor-gasms. Sex when resistance is futile - Borg-gasms.
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Joke of the Day
One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on!So he goes up to his grandpa and says 'Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?' His grandpa replies 'Yes Jimmy, I do. 'Jimmy then says 'Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?'His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds 'Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea. '
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Children Joke
Jennifer: Are you coming to my party ? Sandra: No, I ain't. Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not ain't. It's I am not coming, he is not coming, she is not coming, they are not coming. Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming ?
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Farmer Joke
An agriculture student said to a farmer: 'Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples. ' 'I won't be surprised either, ' said the farmer, 'this is an orange tree'.
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Bumper Stickers - 6
My other car sticker is funny.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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