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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny army games and other funny jokes |
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Dumb People Joke
How did Dairy Queen (U. S. restaurant) get Pregnant?Burger King showed her it's Whopper.
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Spiked Humor
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary K. and said, 'Oh Jack, give me a pint o'the brandy. 'Sister Mary Katherine, ' exclaimed Jack, ' I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!''Oh Jack, she responded, it's only for the Mother Superior. ' Her voice dropped, 'It helps her constipation, you know. ' So Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the nunnery, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine? And she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering. Jack pushed through and exclaimed, 'Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! and you told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation!'Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as she replied, 'And so it is, me lad, so it is. . . When she sees me, she's gonna crap herself!'
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Insect Joke
What's a bee-line ? The shortest distance between two buzz-stops !
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Joke for Halloween
Things Youd Love to Say at Work!1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be. . ?2. Do I look like a people person?3. This isnt an office. Its Hell with fluorescent lighting!4. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left. 5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?7. You!. . Off my planet. 8. Does your train of thought have a caboose?9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?10. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 11. A PBS mind in an MTV world. 12. Allow me to introduce my selves. 13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 14. Im trying to imagine you with a personality. 15. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 16. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you havent fallen asleep yet. 17. Can I trade this job for whats behind door #1?18. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 19. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?20. Chaos, Panic, and Disorder . . My work here is done. 21. How do I set a laser printer to stun?22. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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Golf Joke
Two women were put together as partners in the club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked, 'What’s your handicap?'
'Oh, I’m a scratch golfer,' the other replied.
'Really!' exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her.
'Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!'
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Easy to Remember Joke
Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter 'borrowed' it. Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent. Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47. Good: The secretary said 'yes. 'Bad: Your wife says 'no. 'Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in. Good: You get a three-day weekend. Bad: You get the flu on Friday. Good: You get tickets to the theatre. Bad: It's performance art. Good: You go to see a strip show. Bad: Your daughter's the headliner. Good: Your boyfriend's exercising. Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes. Good: Your car conveniently 'runs out of gas. 'Bad: For real. Good: Your child's 'waiting for Mr. Right'. Bad: Your son, that is. Good: Your daughter's on the Pill. Bad: She's eleven. Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. Bad: She weighs 350 pounds. Good: Your son's doing extra credit work. Bad: Making a sex ed video. Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune. Bad: It's counterfeit. Good: Your wife bought a porn video. Bad: Your daughter's the star. Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex. Bad: You live downtown. Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude. Bad: She's coming home. Good: Your wife's kinky. Bad: With the neighbors. Worse: All of them.
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Situation Joke
It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency, were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caughtbetween towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finallyslid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby. They waded through the drifts to the house, and after a shortconversation with the lady who answered the door, they were able toconvince her that they were no danger to her, and she let them come in. She prepared a meal for them, and during the conversation Abe andMorey learned that she was a widow of a few years standing. Conditions continued to deteriorate, and she prepared the guest roomfor Abe and Morey. The next day about 10:00 AM, a snowplow came through and helpfullypulled the salesmen's car our of the ditch, after cleaning the road. Abe and Morey thanked th widow Brown and went on their rounds. Nine months later, Abe called Morey, and asked if Morey had, by somechance, happened to have drifted down the hall to the wodow Brown'sbedroom after he (Abe) had gone to sleep. After a little hemming andhawing, Morey admitted he had. With a little further prodding, headmitted that he had given the good lady Abe's name, address and phonenumber as his own. Where upon Abe said, 'That explains this letter from her lawyer sayingshe has left her entire estate to me!'
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Dirty Joke
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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