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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny arcade games and other funny jokes |
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Food Joke
What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef? A humburger.
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Law Enforcement Joke
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, 'This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!'So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, 'Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?''Ma'am, ' the officer replies, 'You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. ''Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!' the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that '22' was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. 'But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask. . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, ' the officer asks. 'Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142. '
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Humor Joke
Dawn was breaking over the camp grounds. Tony and Steve were lying in their tent. 'That was a terrible thunder and lightening storm last night, ' Tony announced. Steve turned to him and said, 'Why didn't you wake me up? You know I can't sleep during a storm!'
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Joke of the Day
What is the best form of Birth ControlAnswer: Marriage
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Simple Joke
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game. 'I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, ' she said. 'What do you mean?' he asked. 'Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'
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Cow Joke
What is the definition of 'moon'? The past tense of 'moo'!
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Situation Joke
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lostthe shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised tosend the driver money from home, offering his credit card numbers, his driver's license number and his address but to no avail. The cabbie said, 'If you don't have $'15
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Religion Joke
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. 'Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine, ' said the nun, gently patting his hand. 'We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?' 'No, I'm not, ' the man whispered hoarsely. 'Then can you pay in cash?' persisted the nun. 'I'm afraid I cannot, Sister. ' 'Well, do you have any close relatives?' the nun questioned sternly. 'Just my sister in New Mexico, ' he volunteered. 'But she's a humble spinster nun. ' 'Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God. ' 'Wonderful, ' said Mr. Smith. 'In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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