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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny anniversary gifts and other funny jokes |
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Priceless Joke
Business Rules to Live ByIf you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous. 'Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. Following the rules will not get the job done. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, 'How would the Lone Ranger handle this?'No matter how much you do, you never do enough. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
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Sport Joke
When fish play football, who is the captain? The team's kipper!
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Dentist Joke
Dentist to parsimonious patient 'No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!'
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Clean Joke
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. 'How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?' asks an accountant. 'Watch and you'll see, ' answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, 'Ticket, please. ' The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. 'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed accountant. 'Watch and you'll see, ' answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, 'Ticket, please. '
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Dinosaur Joke
What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep ? A dinosnore !
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Silliest Joke
A lady was walking down the street when a small sign in the window of a shop caught her eye. She stopped, turned back and read the sign which said, 'Clitoris licking frog available'. Checking to see that no one on the street was observing her, she hurriedly entered the shop, closing the door quickly behind her. Inside there was a counter but no sign of activity or human presence. On the counter there was a bell with a sign on top saying : -'Please ring for service'The lady gave the bell a push. It rang but nothing happened. She hit the bell again and after a few minutes she heard a shuffling, slurping sort of sound and eventually a man emerged from a door behind the counter. 'Bonjour madame'
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Law and Lawyer Joke
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.
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Religion Joke
Paul says to Jesus, 'Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?'Jesus says, 'Just hanging around. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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