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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny animated emoticons and other funny jokes |
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Old age Joke
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, 'Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50. ' The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, 'It's his turn with the teeth. '
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Naughty Joke
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, 'Mama! I have someone for you to meet. ' Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks 'Why the panties?'She replies, 'My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning, ' He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, 'What's with this. . . a black condom?'He replies, 'I'm going to offer my condolences. '
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Naughty Joke
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign thatsays; 'Get gas and free sex here'. So obviously the guy wasinterested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. 'Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex. ' said the cashier. 'Uh, okay, 3!' the man replied. 'Nope! Sorry play again'. So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at thesame place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he wasreally ticked:'This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number tohave free sex!' He screamed. 'Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 timeslast week alone!'
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School Joke
Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ? Pupil: I did, I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !
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Dance Joke
How do you make a tissue dance ? Put a little boogie in it !
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Spiked Humor
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Outside a country shop: 'We buy junk and sell antiques. ' In the window of an Oregon store: 'Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?' In a Maine restaurant: 'Open 7 days a week and weekends. ' In the vestry of a New England church: 'Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished. ' In a Pennsylvania cemetery: 'Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. ' On a roller coaster: 'Watch your head. ' On the grounds of a public school: 'No trespassing without permission. ' On a Tennessee highway: 'When this sign is under water, this road is impassable. ' In front of a New Hampshire car wash: 'If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car. '
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Political Joke
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road, and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians. A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, 'Were they all dead?'The old farmer replied, 'Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
The American Dream is a chicken in every pot. Why did we elect a chicken that smoked pot?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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