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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny animated christmas cards and other funny jokes |
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Dumb Joke
At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator)'Best Place in Town to take a Leak'Sign over a gynecologist's office'Dr. Jones, at your cervix. 'On a Plumbers truck:'We repair what your husband tried to fix. 'On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber. 'Pizza shop slogan:'7 days without pizza makes one weak. 'At a tire shop in Milwaukee:'Invite us to your next blowout'Door of a plastic surgeon's office:'Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it'At a laundry shop: 'How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?'At a towing company:'We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows. 'On an electrician's truck'Let us remove your shorts. 'In a non-smoking area:'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. 'On a maternity room door:'Push. Push. Push. 'At an optometrist's office:'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. 'On a taxidermist's window:'We really know our stuff. 'In a podiatrist's office:'Time wounds all heels. 'On a fence:'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive. 'At a car dealership:'The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment. 'Outside a muffler shop:'No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming. 'In a veterinarian's waiting room:'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'At the electric company:'We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be. '
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Insect Joke
What did the woodworm say to the chair ? It's been nice gnawing you !
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Easy to Remember Joke
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, 'Thanks for the peanuts. 'She says, 'Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Chair ! Chair who? Chair you go again, asking more questions !
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Dumb Joke
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says 'not yet. ' A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says 'not yet. 'Finally they say, 'When can we see the baby!?'And the mother says, 'You'll have to wait until the baby cries. ' And they ask, 'Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?'The new mother says, 'because I forgot where I put it!'
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Food and Drink Joke
Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use – I’ve forgotten my name again!
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Business Joke
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. 'As I'm sure you can understand, ' she started off with one of the first applicants, 'in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question. ' She leaned forward. 'Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?''Honest?' replied the job prospect. 'Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $'15
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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