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The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
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5QS |
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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny alarm clocks and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. 'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. 'Actually, no, ' he replied. 'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him, ' she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. 'I'm afraid I can't, ' breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble. 'Is there anything I can do?' 'Yes there is. I need you to give him a message, ' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. 'Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room. '
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jelly? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
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Cat Joke
12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts:
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book. . . if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime . . . and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
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Free Adult Joke
While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed: 'Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you. ' 'When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion, ' she explained. The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife. 'I'm curious though, ' he said, 'Where did the thirty dollars come from?' 'Oh that, ' his wife replied, 'Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!'
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Animal World
'What's the difference between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine, ' the society matron asked the zookeeper. 'The principal difference is the North American species has a longer prick. 'This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo manager said, 'Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their pricks are just about the same size. '
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Monster Joke
Little monster: Mom I've finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your tea.
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Clean Humor
When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son. After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10Kg because he's only 4 Kg. Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 4 Kg. 'What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?' 'Umm, well that was before he got circumcised'.
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Simple Joke
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, 'Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!' The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. 'Yes?' replied the teacher. 'Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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