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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny advent calendar and other funny jokes |
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Funniest Joke
Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem?
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Cow Joke
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire? Dracowla!
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Just for Laughs Joke
You can't be real. May I pinch you to see if I'm dreaming?Hey, didn't we go to different high schools?There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. At last! I finally found the perfect girl!A fool and his money are soon my boyfriend. Do your legs hurt from running in my dreams all night?Is it hot in here or is it just you?If I follow you home, will you keep me?The best way to hold a man is in your arms. If I told you you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?If love is the answer. . . can you repeat the question?I'm writing a telephone book. May I have your number?Flattery will get you everywhere! Keep talking. I know I'm not Mr. Right, but would you settle for Mr. Right Now?But you're so *cute* when you blush!All those curves, and me with no brakes. I don't approve of your objectives, but I love your methods. Please be patient--this is my first time. May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss. Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on. Nothing says 'I love you' better than six hours of nonstop sex. A person can be poor at history, but great on dates. A curved line is the loveliest distance between two points. I only like two kinds of girls--domestic and imported. If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help!I can read you like a book, but I keep forgetting my place. Didn't I meet you in some other hallucination?Be good and you'll be lonely. The best things in life are ME!I just naturally respect pretty girls in tight-fitting sweaters. I used to be a terrible flirt. I'm much better at it now. I don't dance. But I'd love to hold you while you do. Clothes aren't sexy. Women are. I can't whistle at my girlfriend. . . she leaves me breathless!Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot. I feel great! And I don't kiss badly either!BITCH also stands for: Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented and Charming Human being!
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Dirty Joke
Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrives at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home, 'will I have to go home and come back now?' he ask. The woman says, 'unbutton your shirt. ' he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, 'that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' as she processes his social security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about this experience at social security office. She says, 'you should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too. '
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Bird Joke
A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late. 'Where were you? I was worried sick. ' 'It was such nice day, I decided to walk. '
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Worlds Best Joke
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?A pool table.
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Parent Joke
Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me? Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.
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Doctor Joke
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, 'Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?'
'When they ask, I give them advice', replied the lawyer, 'and then I send them a bill in the morning. '
The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning
he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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