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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny adult t shirts and other funny jokes |
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Joke Online
You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid. I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. You're a habit I'd like to kick with both feet!! I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. You've never been outspoken no one has ever been able to. At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny. Don't you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?
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War Joke
The company sergent is briefing the recruits:'For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father, and I will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so youknow what that makes you. . . '
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Bumper Stickers - 1
A day without sunshine is like, night.
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Bar Joke - 1
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. 'You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!' Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. 'How do you know this, Sister?' 'My Mother Superior told me so. ''But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?' 'Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself' 'Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life' 'How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!' 'I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know. 'The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. 'Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks', then he lowers his voice and says to the barman 'and could you put the vodka in a teacup?''Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?'
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Dog Joke - 2
What is the dogs favourite city ? New Yorkie !
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Religious Joke
Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, 'Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time. '
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Only in America do we chain $2. 00 ink pens to the counter but leave our $'58
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Cow Joke
Why was the calf afraid? He was a cow-herd!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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