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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny 60th birthday poems and other funny jokes |
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Village Idiot Joke
(AP) The Energizer Bunny, known best for 'going and going and going. . . ' passed away last evening at 12:42am. Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming. . . Foul play has not been ruled out.
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Fun Joke
How to Hunt Elephants -- VP StyleWhen the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, hisstaff will try to ensure that all elephants are completelyprehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees anonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment thevice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself toprevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex
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Bird Joke
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn ? An eggroll !
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Some People Are Alive Only Because It’s Illegal To Kill Them
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Family Comedy Joke
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. 'I'm afraid I don't have a husband' she replies. 'O. K. do you have a boyfriend?' asks the Midwife. 'No, no boyfriend either. ''Do you have a partner then?' 'No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own. 'After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. 'You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black''Well, ' replies the girl. 'I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black. ''Oh, I'm very sorry, ' says the midwife, 'that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair. ''Well yes, ' the girl again replies, 'you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?''Oh, I'm sorry, ' the midwife repeats, 'that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes. ''Well yes, ' continues the girl, 'I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice. 'At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, 'Thank God for that!' 'What do you mean?' says the midwife, shocked. 'WHEW!' says the girl extremely relieved. . . 'I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!'
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Business Joke
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, 'I'm a walking economy. 'The friend asks, 'How so?''My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!'
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Dumb Men Joke
Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?1) Get away or I'll call the police!!!2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.
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Satire Joke
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, 'Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not proper to walk around without any panties on. 'The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down. The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly. The priest hands the lady $1 and says. . . 'Lady, take this money and for God's sake, go buy yourself a razor!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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