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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny 40th birthday quotes and other funny jokes |
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Frog Joke
What do you get if you cross a frog with a decathlete? Someone who pole-vaults without a pole.
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Banana Joke
Why are bananas never lonely? Because they hang around in bunches.
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Joke for Speeches
NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS Government Department of Fish and 'WildLife' Sec. 12001. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. 4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft. 5. It shall be unlawful to shout 'whiplash', 'ambulance', or 'free Perrier' for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships. 7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals. 8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, 'entrap', or possess it. 9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin. 10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or taxaccountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. BAG LIMITS (Maximum number of catches allowed per hunting season)1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder. . . . . . . . . . . (2)2. Two-faced Tort Feasor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (1)3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator. . . . . (4)4. Small-breasted Ball Buster. . . . . . . . . . (3) (Female only)5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (2)6. Honest Attorney. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (0) (On the Endangered Species List) (Illegal to hunt)7. Cut-throat. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (2)8. Back-stabbing Whiner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (2)9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser. . . . . . . . . . . . (2)10. Silver-tongued Drug Defender. . . . . . . ($100 BOUNTY)
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Snowman Joke
Where do snowmen go to dance ? Snowballs !
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Naughty Joke
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drinkorders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placedbefore him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also likedrink. The minister replied in disgust, 'Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped bya brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!'The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, 'I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice. . . '
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Totally Weird Joke
Peter and Jim were partners in a profitable painting-contracting business. Unfortunately, they weren't entirely honest, because they mixed their paint with water. One day Jim's conscience started to bother him as they painted a poor widow's house. The next day Jim told Peter he just couldn't be dishonest anymore. 'Don't quit now, ' Peter begged. 'A few more jobs and we can retire. 'Jim refused to change his mind. 'Peter, ' he said. 'I just can't do it. Last night an angel stood by my bed and said - 'Repaint, repaint. . . you thinner. ''
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Monster Joke
MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else.
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Police Joke
Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying 'Good morning, Mr. Mayor. ' Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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