|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of funny 40th birthday presents and other funny jokes |
|
School Joke
I'm not going back to school ever again Why ever not? The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!
= = = = = = = = = =
Doctor Joke
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
= = = = = = = = = =
Biologist Joke
An old mountain man in Arkansas was sick and bedridden. He had not been outdoors for a few weeks and had a sharp craving for a meal of wild squirrel. He summoned his half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to go squirrel hunting and bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told his son to be very careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he would need its brains later to 'tan' the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a skin using the animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas, it generally takes about one brain to tan one skin). The idiot son spent most of the day searching the woods for tree squirrels, but was not having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree, he spotted a squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered his Pa's admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains. r\nHis sick Pa was upset, 'I can't tan that skin without no brains!' he said, 'Now what am I a gonna do?' Thinking quickly, he remembered that up on the river there were 3 fisheries biologists doing some field work. 'Well, we're only tanning one squirrel skin, walk up the river and shoot one of them dang fish biologists and I'll use his brains to tan the skin, ' he told the son. The son did as he was told and soon returned with the prize. As it turned out, the brain wasn't large enough and the boy was upset as he would have to make another trip to harvest the other two biologist's brains. 'Look on the bright side, boy', the old man told him, 'Two more ought to be just enough. We'd have been in real trouble if they was BOTANISTS!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Heaven and hell Joke
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, 'Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?' So the first man replies: 'Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony. ' 'That sounds like a pretty bad day to me, ' said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. 'It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here. ' Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. 'Picture this, ' says the third man, 'I'm hiding inside a refrigerator. . . '
= = = = = = = = = =
Bumper Stickers - 2
Change is good. . . you go first!
= = = = = = = = = =
Sporting Joke
James decided to take up sky diving as a hobby. On his first solo jump, he pulled the ripcord at the right time, but nothing happened. The parachute wouldn't open. He then pulled the emergency chute, but that appeared to be stuck too. As he glanced down to see the ground rushing towards him, he noticed a man hurtling upward directly at him. 'Hey!' James shouted. 'Would you happen to know anything about parachutes?' 'No!' the man yelled back. 'Would you happen to know anything about gas stoves?'
= = = = = = = = = =
Bible Joke
Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.
= = = = = = = = = =
Relationships Joke
A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holdinga frying pan in hand. Man: 'What was that for?'Wife: 'Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Daisy' written on it?'Man: 'Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horseraces? Marylou was the name of the horse I bet on. 'The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him. Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once againhe is bonked on the head. Man: 'What's that for this time?'Wife: 'Your horse called. '
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
