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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny 30th birthday quotes and other funny jokes |
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Dentist Joke
I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boy's tooth. 'Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!' 'Yes, ' replied the dentist, 'but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office. '
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Strange Humor
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! 'Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?' he cried. 'I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!' 'Well, ' she said, 'when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer. '
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Medical Joke
Oprectomy KENMORE HOSPITAL 61 COMMONWEALTH AVE. BOSTON, MA. 02115 DATE:____________NAME:ADDRESS:Please be advised that your Oprectomy operation is scheduled for_______________, at ___________(a. m. )(p. m. ). The purpose of thisextremely delicate operation is to sever the cord that connectsyour eyes to your rectum and hopefully get rid of your shittyoutlook on life. Sincerely, J. Grabber, M. D. Kenmore Hospital
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Teeth Joke
What did one tooth say to the other tooth? 'Thar's gold in them thar fills. '
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Funny Famous Joke
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, 'I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter. 'With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, 'You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?'And the man replied, 'I don't know, my wife told me to stand here. '
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College Humor
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men can remember them. or So men can understand them.
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Fun Joke
How To Shower Like A Man:1 - Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2 - Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo' sound. 3 - Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your 'privates' and smell your fingers for one last whiff. 4 - Get in the shower. 5 - Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). 6 - Wash your face. 7 - Wash your armpits. 8 - Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. 9 - Wash your privates and surrounding area. 10 - Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar. 11 - Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). 12 - Make a shampoo Mohawk. 13 - Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. 14 - Pee (in the shower). 15 - Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. 16 - Partially dry off. 17 - Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again. 18 - Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. 19 - Leave bathroom fan and light on. 20 - Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go 'Yeah baby' and thrust your pelvis at her. 21 - Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
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Various animal Joke
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ? A tiger has the mane part missing !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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