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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funniest text jokes and other funny jokes |
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Spoof Joke
A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says, 'Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too. 'Marv smiles and says, 'Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?'Bernie says, 'You're going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?' Marv grins again, 'Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me. . . ''Yes, yes, that's it!' cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife. . . 'Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?'
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Mad Joke
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. 'You can't get out of your room?' the captaind asked, 'Why not?' The stewardess replied, 'There are only three doors in here, 'she cried, ' one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!!
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Cat Joke
Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? - A: You're the purrfect cat for me!
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Mad Joke
A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language. 'Alright, ' said the husband, 'when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast. ''Okay, ' said the wife, 'What should I do then?''Well, when you want to have sex, ' he told her, 'rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times. '
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Travel Humor
This is a passenger announcement. The train on platform one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come insideways.
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: Why did the Canadian cross the road? A: He saw some American do it on TV.
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Baron ! Baron who ? Baron mind who you're talking to !
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Stupid Blonde Joke
Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away. '
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, 'Why don't you go home for the day. . . we aren't terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax. '
Sally very calmly states, 'No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here. '
The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. 'If you need anything just let me know' says the boss.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.
He rushes over an asks, 'What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?'
Sally breaks down in tears. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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