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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun works glengormley and other funny jokes |
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Friendship Joke
A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no drive, verylittle appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man issuffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, so the doctor did not hesitate to ask the man about hispersonal life. 'Well, if you must know, ' said the patient, 'I cannot stand my wife. She's made my life unbearable. I fantasize allthe time about killing that damn witch. In fact, if you are truly my friend, you'll give me some kind of untraceablepoison to give her, so I may end my misery. 'The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in fact, violate his oath to save lives. He said, 'Besides, you'll getlife in prison yourself, at best. I'll tell ya what though, I can give you this powerful aphrodisiac to slip into hercoffee. You can then 'love her to death'. No jury in the world is going to convict a man for loving his wife toomuch. She'll be gone in a month at best. 'The man blessed the doctor, went home and started putting the love elixir in his wife's coffee the very next morning. Threeweeks later, the doctor hasn't heard a word from his friend, and becomes concerned. After office hours, he stops by his friend'shouse to see if all is well. He finds his friend sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a blanket, even though it's a warm Spring day. The man's face was gaunt and pale, he'd lost Lord knows how much weight, and looked terrible. The doctor asked, 'Whatthe Hell happened ???'The man said, 'I followed your advice to the letter. That woman and I made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, dayand nite. ' Then, he chuckled, causing a terrible wheeze. Just then the wife appeared from inside the house. All slim and trimand dressed in tennis clothes; smiling, she said she was off for a few sets of tennis. As she leaped into her new sports car, herhusband cackled and said to the doctor, 'Look at that dumb crazy bitch. She hasn't a lick of sense. If she only knewshe has less than a week to live she wouldn't be so God damn frisky. '
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Joke for Speeches
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, 'Here's a pill for English literature. ' The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!'What else do you have?' asks the student. 'Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history, ' replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, 'Do you have a pill for math?'The pharmacist says, 'Wait just a moment, ' goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter. 'I have to take that huge pill for math?' inquires the student. The pharmacist replied, 'Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow. '
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Computing Joke
he staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree.
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Ethnical Joke
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. 'Look at their reserve, their calm, ' muses the Brit. 'They must be British. ' 'Nonsense, ' the Frenchman disagrees. 'They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French. ' 'No clothes, no shelter, ' the Russian points out, 'they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian. '
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Banana Joke
What is a ghost favorite fruit ? Boonanaa !
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School Joke
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call.
Kelly: 'Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.
Secretary at high school: 'Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?'
Kelly: 'This is my mother. '
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Simple Joke
Today they're leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest. Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So they release the drunkard as well. The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says: Hey, I see what your problem is!
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Just for Laughs Joke
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of theirhead?A: All you can eat, under a buck.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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