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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun with phonics dvd and other funny jokes |
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Men Joke
Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However, one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad already seen him. 'Billy, ' said his dad, 'doing that will make you go blind''Dad, ' he replied, 'I'm over here!'
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Bar Joke - 1
A man stomps into a bar, obviously angry. He growls at the bartender, 'Gimme a beer', takes a slug, and shouts out, 'All lawyers are assholes!'
A guy at the other end of the bar retorts, 'You take that back!'
The angry man snarls, 'Why? Are you a lawyer?'
The guy replies, 'No, I'm an asshole!'
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Cat Joke
What looks like half a cat ? The other half !
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Easy to Remember Joke
Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret. 'It's really quite simple, ' the old man explained. 'Twice each day, once in the morning and once in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment. 'Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. 'So, ' he asked, 'any luck with your tomatoes?''No, ' she replied excitedly, 'but you should see the size of my cucumbers!'
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Face Joke
Why is your face all scratched ? My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really, she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !
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Car and train Joke
A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up, 'what the hell was that?'. The truck driver replies, 'some kinda animal, go back to sleep. ' Further the same thing again, bang, 'What the hell was that?', 'some kinda animal again. ' Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, 'What the hell was that?', 'Some bastard!'. 'How terrible', says the hitch-hiker, 'but there were 3 bangs' The truck driver replies, 'Yeah, well I had to go through two fences to get the bastard. . . '
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Government Humor
What does Bill say to prospective interns?'Haven't I cum across your face before?'
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Math Joke
The math professor's six-year-old son knocks at the door of his father's study.
'Daddy', he says. 'I need help with a math problem I couldn't do at school. '
'Sure', the father says and smiles. 'Just tell me what's bothering you. '
'Well, it's a really hard problem: There are four ducks swimming in a pond, when two more ducks come and join them. How many ducks are now swimming in the pond?'
The professor stares at his son with disbelief: 'You couldn't do that?! All you need to know is that 4 + 2 = 6!'
'Do you think, I'm stupid?! Of course, I know that 4 + 2 = 6. But what does this have to do with ducks!?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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