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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun wedding readings and other funny jokes |
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Very Silly Joke
There were three ladies at the obstetrician's office, waiting to see what their results were. When the first young woman came back to the waiting room, she was very happy. 'I'm going to have a boy!' she declared. 'The doctor said that if my husband was on top, I would have a boy. 'When the second young woman came back, she was very happy, too. 'I'm going to have a girl! The doctor said that if I was on top, I would have a girl. 'Suddenly, the third young woman burst into tears. The other two tried to console her, but all she could say was 'I'm going to have a puppy!'
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Pig Joke
Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team? Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.
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Office Humor
Why did Helen Keller go insane?
She tried to read a stucco wall.
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Cow Joke
What is the definition of 'derange'? De place where de cowboys ride!
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Redneck Joke
This suave-looking Redneck, (ok, just pretend there is one) walks into a bar and sees a cute little rich girl who's had too much to drink. He says to her, 'Hey, baby. . . whataya say we go back to your place and get it on! Lost in her drink, she replies - 'Sure, why not!'They get to her place, and she lies on the bed and says, 'Ok, show me what you do best!'. Without delay, the Redneck rips off his jacket, -grabs her T. V. , VCR, and purse and runs out the door!
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Relationships Joke
The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave him a shot of spermatozoa. 'Now look, ' the doctor said, 'the only way you're going to get it up is to say 'beep, ' and then to get it soft again, you say, 'beep, beep. ''How marvelous, ' the old man said. 'Yes, but I must warn you, ' the doctor said, ' it's only going to work three times before you die. 'On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one trying it out. 'Beep!' he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied, he said, 'beep, beep, ' and he was down again. He chuckled with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went 'beep, ' and the car in the opposite lane responded with 'beep beep. ' Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to 'speed it up. ' He raced into the house as fast as he could for his last great lay. 'Honey, ' he shouted at her, 'don't ask questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed. ' Caught up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said, 'beep, ' and he was UP. He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said, , 'What's all this 'beep beep' shit?'
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Bird Joke
What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework ? A firequaker !
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Spoof Joke
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, 'Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!'The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, 'Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?''Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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