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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun wedding cakes and other funny jokes |
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Friendship Joke
On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks:Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee?Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date. The guy thinks for a minute and says:Well, what about the last date?
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Farmer Joke
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer? You take me for grunted.
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Computer Joke
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question. They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked together. They asked the question, 'IS THERE A GOD?' Suddenly there was a loud crash, and in a brilliant explosion of silicon and plastic the computers fused into what appeared to the scientists to be one large computer in place of the many smaller ones. One of the scientists raced to the printer as it finally output its answer. 'There is now', read the printout.
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Bar Joke - 1
There was a Jew and a Chinese sitting at the bar drinking. All of a sudden the Jew turns and punches the Chinese in the face knocking him off his stool, stunned the Chinese gets up and says, 'What the hell was that for?'
The Jew replies, 'That was for Pearl Harbor. '
The Chinese says, 'That was the Japanese, I'm Chinese. '
The Jew says, 'well you have black hair squinted eyes and buckteeth, it's all the same to me. '
The Chinese says 'Okay' and sits on his stool and continues drinking.
About a half hour later the Chinese turns and punches the Jew in the face knocking him off his stool, the Jew gets up and says, 'What the hell was that for?'
The Chinese says 'That was for the Titanic. '
The Jew replies, 'The Titanic? That was an Iceberg. '
The Chinese says, 'Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg, it's all the same to me. '
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Sad Joke
Your mamma's so fat when she wears a yellow rain coast outside I yell 'TAXI!'
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. February '1
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Business Joke
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $'5
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Computer Joke
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as 'friends,' but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
7. You use the phrase 'digital compression' in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase 'digital compression. ' Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.
9. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
10. You stop saying 'phone number' and replace it with 'voice number,' since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
11. You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.
12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-)
13. You back up your data every day.
14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.
15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.
18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot's phrase 'electronic town hall' makes more sense than the term 'information superhighway,' but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names. 20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.
22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a- quarter-and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.
23. Al Gore strikes you as an 'intriguing' fellow.
24. You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they are.
25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine year-old.
26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say 'I don't know' when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*.
30. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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