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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun websites for children and other funny jokes |
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Foreigners Joke
A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of theScottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary aboutthe way of life there. REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? SCOTSMAN: Certainly. . . REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep . . . .
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Restaurant Joke
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. 'Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?', he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, 'What'll it be?' The man replies, 'Give me a Stoli with a twist. ' The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, 'Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . '
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Joke for Halloween
There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth is driving him nuts. One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, 'QUIT IT!' But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets angry and says, 'OK for you, ' and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird meekly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, 'Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. ' The man is astounded and amazed at the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, 'By the way, what did the CHICKEN DO?'
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Ghost Joke
How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint? He gets pale as a sheet.
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Book title Joke
Making the Most of Life by Maxie Mumm
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Car and train Joke
A man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says, 'Normally father, i dont pick up hitch hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception. In fact i hate hitch hikers. The priest nods his head and they drive on Along the way, The driver spots another man hitch hiking. 'that dirty son of %$#%#% ill fix him'. He then swirves the car and tries to make the hit and run like an accident. Dang! i missed. The priests yells, 'Don't worry i got him with the gas can!'
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Waiter Joke
Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers, too?
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Elephant Joke
Bill:'My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an elephant. '? Bert:'Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder. . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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