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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun waistcoats and other funny jokes |
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Sporting Joke
Pro linemen are so huge that it takes just four of them to make a dozen.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
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Village Idiot Joke
Ebonics Version of Windows '98 Debuts!Microsoft has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows '98
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Frog Joke
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats ? In the croakroom !
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Aviation Joke
Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them. DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc. DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing. Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up. OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you crash. Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy access to a plane, and an uneventful takeoff. Then, all in a sudden, boom! You blow up without any warning whatsoever. NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard. Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane they're building. CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13 airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.
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Kids Joke
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself. . . television, ice cream, homework, video games. . . but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed. For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions. After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, 'What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!''Not much, ' the boy's uncle replied. 'I just showed him how tomasturbate. '
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else
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Elderly People Joke
Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said, 'Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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