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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun tropicale playa dorada and other funny jokes |
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Village Idiot Joke
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. A termite walks into a barroom and asks, 'Is the bar tender here?' Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he/she had no guts!What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common? Their middle name. Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? They all have phones. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck!Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny. A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bar. 'A pint of lager and a mop please. 'Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud. ' 'Yes sir, it's fresh ground. 'What's brown and sticky? A stick. A horse walks into a bar, the barman says 'why the long face?'Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in sight. What do you give an elephant with diarreha? Lots of RoomWhat does mozart do now that he is dead? He decomposes. Why do they put bells on cows? Because their horns don't work!Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says 'god it's hot in here, and the other sausage says. . . 'OH MY GOD IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!'
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Miscellaneous Joke
An old man and women are going out for a meal to celebrate there 50th anniversary. The old man is getting ready but cant find his shoes so he looks under the bed and finds a box with 2 eggs in it and a thousand pounds so that evening he questions his wife about it at dinner. 'Well. . ' she said 'each time I was unfaithful to you I put an egg in the box''And what about the thousand pound?' asked the old man. 'Well. . . ' Replies the woman 'Each time I got a dozen eggs I sold them'
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Book title Joke
All You Need to Know about Explosives by Dinah Mite
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Humor Joke
Coleman moved to Wyoming and was sitting in the unemployment office applying for a job. 'Have you any experience in coal mining?' asked the clerk. 'Yeah, in Pennsylvania, ' he replied. 'They're using that new safety lamp down there now, aren't they?' 'Ah don't know, mister, ' said Coleman. 'I worked on the day shift. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What do the Chinese call a 69????A: Two can chew!!
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Pig Joke
Why are pigs such great football fans? They're always rooting.
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Redneck Joke
At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. 'It opens at noon' answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. 'What time does the bar open?' he asks. 'Same time as before. . . Noon. ' replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered 'Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?'The clerk then answers, 'It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you. ''No. . . I don't wanna git in. . . Ah wanna git OUT!!!'
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Silliest Joke
Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit. When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ass. Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass. After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, 'Where's my cookie!?' WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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