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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun triathlon and other funny jokes |
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?The blonde - she is eighteen.
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Doctor Joke
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
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Job and Office Joke
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A. M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A. M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, 'I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself. ' And the boss said, 'And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?'
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Animal Joke
9. E-mail flames from some guy named 'Fluffy. ' 8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. 7. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt. recreational. catnip. 6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it. . . and a strange aroma of tuna. 5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of 'CyberDog. ' 4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it. 3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II. 2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser. and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password. . . 1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
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Waiter Joke
I say waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!
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Military Joke
How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.
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Dog Joke - 2
What dog rides a horse named Macaroni? Yankee poodle!
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Military Joke
A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world . . . * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can't have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo. 2) Dress blues. They're the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide. 3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart. 4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member. 5) Marines don't wear dungarees. 6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out -- as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren't still in the country. Now that's respect. 7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back to Haiti after 60 years, an old man on the Cap-Haitien beach said ``Welcome back!' 8) Toughest mascot. The Marine Corps' is a bulldog. The Navy's: a goat. 9) Esprit de Corps. Even if you can't spell it or pronounce it, the Marine Corps has it in spades. One example: When sailors get tattoos, they do it to express their individuality, and their choices range from Betty Boop and Mickey Mouse to raging sea serpents. When Marines get tattoos, they do it to express their solidarity, and choose bull dogs, ``death before dishonor, ' and ``USMC. ' 10) Best war monument: Iwo Jima 11) The Marines invade, then go home. The Army has to do the occupying. 12) The silent drill team. Just watching them ply their trade makes you want to wear dress blues. 13) Status. Sailors live and work on ships. Marines go for cruises -- then hit the shore. 14) Best fast attack vehicles: LAVs. 15) Best fighting knife: Ka-Bar. 16) Best duty assignments: Okinawa, Kaneohe Bay, Camp Pendleton, Diego Garcia, Moscow, North Carolina. Plus any ship at sea. 17) Worst duty assignments: Okinawa, Kaneohe Bay, Camp Pendleton, Diego Garcia, Moscow, North Carolina. Plus any ship at sea. 18) Most exotic duty assignments: Kuala Lumpur, The White House. 19) Best phone number. Call 1-800-MARINES and you've got the Corps. And if you're a civilian with the character to be a Marine, a recruiter there will be happy to sign you up. 20) Toughest DI's. (Drill Instructors). They're so tough that when the Navy wants to train its officers, who do they call? 1-800-MARINES. 21) Toughest boot camp. When San Diego was still training Navy recruits, legend has it that recruits occasionally would jump the fence and accidentally land in Marine boot camp. The Marines would keep them a couple of days, and when the recruits were sent back, they were ready to be sailors! 22) Best motivational cries: Ooh-rah! - Attack! - Kill! 23) Best emblem: Eagle, Globe and Anchor. (Air, Land and Sea) 24) Best campaign covers: The Smokey Bear hat. 25) Separate heads for enlisted and officers. Everywhere else, officers and enlisted use the same pot. 26) The only official, congressionally sanctioned hymn for any of the services: ``The Marines' Hymn. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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