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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun things to do in newcastle and other funny jokes |
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Cat Joke
What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas ? Santa Claws !
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Easy to Remember Joke
A woman goes to the doctor and says, 'Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you. 'The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes around to see her when she is ready. 'Well, what is it?' he asks. 'It's a bit embarrassing, ' she replies. 'These two green circles haveappeared on the inside of my thighs. 'The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, 'Have you been having an affair with a gypsy lately?'The woman blushes and says, 'Well, actually I have. ''That's the problem, ' the doctor says, 'Tell him his earrings aren't made of gold!!!'
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Time Joke
When is the best time to go shopping? When the stores are open.
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Old People Joke
Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference.
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Joke Online
Insurance Form Statements. . . Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian. My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
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Snake Joke
What's a python's favourite pop group ? Squeeze !
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Dead and dying Joke
Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary? It was a dead end job.
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Doctor Joke
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened?Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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