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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun things to do in kent and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: 'Mick! I lost me finger!' 'Have you now?' says Mick. 'And how did you do it?' 'I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi. . . Darn! There goes another one!'
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Joke for Kids
'I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job'--George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign'This is a great day for France!'--Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral'Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know? . . . I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that. ''--George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students'For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex . . . uh. . . setbacks. '--George Bush'I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change. '--Dan Quayle'Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here. '--Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in 1989'What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to have a mind. How true that is. '--Dan Quayle addressing the United Negro College Fund'I am honored today to begin my first term as the Governor of Baltimore-that is Maryland. '--William Donald Schaefer, first inaugural address'The caribou love it. They rub against it and they have babies. There are more caribou in Alaska than you can shake a stick at. '--George Bush, on the Alaska pipeline'I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, anti-racism. This is what drives me. '--George Bush'If I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed. '--Ronald Reagan'My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. '--Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on'Mars is essentially in the same orbit. Mars is somewhat the same distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe. '--Dan Quayle'Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed. '--Ronald ReaganAND GREAT MOMENTS IN POLITICAL DEBATES: Walter Mondale: George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologize. Bush: Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put mine up against his any time. FOREIGN GOOFS'Bite the wax tadpole. '-- Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese'Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave. '-- ad slogan 'Pepsi Comes Alive' as originally translated into Chinese'I am a jelly doughnut'--English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall'We pray for MacArthur's erection. '--sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was considering a run for President'You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. '--from a guest directory at a Japanese hotel, 1991'It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant. '--Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroadMISCELLANEOUS'I'm not against the blacks and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that. '--Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona'Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been exposing himself to the people of the United States. '--Frank Licht, then governor of Rhode Island, campaigning for McGovern in 1972'Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a huge 18 inch pizza and not a huge 18 inch penis, as described in an ad. Blondie's Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday's ad may have caused. '--correction printed in The Daily Californian'Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is terrible thing for the Padres!'--Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer'I want you to take your balls in your hand and bounce them on the floor and then throw them as high as you can. Now, have you all got your balls in your hands?'--announcer of children's radio show 'Life With Mother' to her audience
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Bumper Stickers - 7
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Eye Patch Barbie . . . with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua!
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Blonde Joke - 1
Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed? She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.
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War Joke
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night timeexcersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. 'Scared, Lieutenant?', I asked. He replied, 'No, just a bit apperhensive. 'I asked, 'What's the diffrence??'He replied, 'That means I'm scared with a university education. '
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Law Enforcement Joke
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, 'He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children. ' The next-door neighbor protested, 'Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children. ' The wife replied, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. December '18
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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