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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun things to do in essex and other funny jokes |
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Monster Joke
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.
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Funny College Joke
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. 'In English, ' he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative. ' A voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right. '
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Mom Joke
A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason
the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what
was wrong.
'Nothing,' said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again. 'Seriously, what's wrong?'
'Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have
cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on
Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as 'Thank you. '
'Why should I?' he said. 'Not once in 15 years have I gotten
a Father's Day gift. '
'Yes,' she said, 'but I'm their real mother. '
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Children Joke
A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O. K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I can't. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!
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College Humor
The man came home to find evidence that his wife had been unfaithful. 'Was it my friend Steve?' he yelled. 'No, ' she said. 'Was it my friend James?' he then asked. 'What?' she shouted. 'Don't you think I have any friends of my own?'
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?She wanted to save a dogie bag for later.
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Just for Laughs Joke
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, 'Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. . . our lives depend on it!''Dear, the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, 'I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice butt!!!!!!!
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Religion Joke
Stress-Relieving PrayerLord, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those peopleI had to kill today because they pissed me off. And, help me to be carefulOf the toes I step on today as theyMay be connected to the assThat I might have to kiss tomorrow. Amen.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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