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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun things to do in amsterdam and other funny jokes |
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Practical Joke
A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan. She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they're Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, . . . named Josh. The teacher looks at Josh and says, 'Josh, you're not a Lakers fan?'He says, 'Nope, Im a Sacrmento Kings fan!' She says, 'Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?'Josh says, 'Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan. 'The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says, 'Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!'Josh says, 'Then I'd be a Laker fan!'
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History Joke
Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving? They wanted another excuse to watch football.
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Miscellaneous Joke
A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible. 'Well, ' she said. 'The first time I married an octogenarian and hedied before we could consummate the marriage. ''The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on ourwedding day. ''The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he justsat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good it was goingto be. '
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Cat Joke
Q: What's every cat's favorite song? - A: Three Blind Mice!
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Comedian Joke
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. -Mitch Hedberg
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Movie and TV Joke
After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate. 'So sorry about your untimely death, ' he tells the director. 'But God himself has called you home. You see, God wants you to direct a movie for Him. ' The great man is humbled, 'God wants ME to direct a film?' 'Yes, ' St. Peter tells him. 'And we've arranged to have the best of everything made available to you. For example, the script is by William Shakespeare. ' The director is stunned, 'An original screenplay by William Shakespeare?' 'Yes, ' St. Peter assures him, 'And it's his greatest work ever. ' 'Wow!' says the Director, awe struck. 'Your Production Designer will be Michaelangelo. We've got Leonardo Da Vinci d oing the sets, your musical score will be an original work by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and your cast includes a young Laurence Olivier and the greatest actors of all time in supporting roles. ' The Director can't believe it. 'This is incredible, ' he says. 'This will be the greatest movie ever?' St. Peter kind of shuffles his feet. 'Well, ' he says, 'we do have one tiny little problem. ' 'Problem?' says the director. 'What kind of a problem?' St. Peter puts his arm around the director's shoulder, 'Ya see, ' he whispers, 'God's got this girlfriend. . . '
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Bumper Stickers - 7
Watch out for the idiot behind me!
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Bumper Stickers - 1
I still miss my wife, But my aim is improving
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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