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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun team building exercises and other funny jokes |
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Aviation Joke
A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table. The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and asked, 'Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in their pockets?' The flight attendant answered, 'We had an efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He determined that 25% of the customers knock the spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be much more efficient. ' Later, as the flight attendant is picking his dirty tray up, the customer asked, 'Excuse me for asking but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?' The flight attendant replied, 'The efficiency expert determined that we were spending too much t ime washing our hands after we went to the bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to our penises. ' The customer looked confused. 'How does that help?' he asked. 'Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the string. Since I never touched myself I don't need to wash my hands. ' The customer nodded and asked, 'But how do you get it back in your pants?' The flight attendant smiled, 'I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon. '
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Funny School Kids Joke
Did you hear about the businessman who is so rich he has two swimming pools, one of which is always empty?
It's for his friends that can't swim.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.
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Funny Joke
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under you vehicle. . . From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
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Law and Lawyer Joke
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on.
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Simple Joke
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: 'Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot is caught in the door!
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in What about a matchbox !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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