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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun team building events and other funny jokes |
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Mental health Joke
What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!
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Law Joke
A lawyer and his brother were hunting. A mountain lion jumped out in front of them and started snarling.
The brother said 'What should we do?'
The lawyer said 'I'm gonna run for it. '
The brother said 'You can't outrun a mountain lion!'
The lawyer said 'I don't have to outrun HIM-- I only have to outrun YOU. '
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Naughty Joke
The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when therecame the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke awayat once, eyes wide with alarm. 'Heavens, ' she cried, 'it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window. 'The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window, then demurred. 'I can't, ' he said, 'we're on the thirteenth floor. ''For heaven's sake, ' cried the young lady in exasperation, 'is this a time to be superstitious?'
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Clean Humor
Santa Claus is a woman. . . . I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:Men can't pack a bag. Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves. Men don't answer their mail. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a 'bowlful of jelly. 'Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment!
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Funny Famous Joke
A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes werethe dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. 'Were these dishes ever washed?' he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, 'Of course they were cleaned Father. ''They're as clean as soap and water could get them. 'He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells -'Here Soap! Here Water!'
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Elderly People Joke
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. 'Is there something in particular I can show you?' he asked. 'Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa. ''You mean a sectional sofa, ' he suggested. 'Sectional schmectional. ' she bitterly retorted. 'All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!'
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Travel and tourist Joke
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. 'Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone, 'the guide said. 'Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow. ' 'We can't be here tomorrow, ' the nasty woman shouted. 'We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone. ' 'Well now, ' the guide said, 'it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune. ' 'And I suppose you've kissed the stone, ' the woman scoffed. 'No, ma'am, ' the frustrated guide said, 'but I've sat on it. '
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Hair and bald Joke
Barber: And how old are you, little man? Fred: Eight. Barber: And do you want a haircut? Fred: Well, I certainly didn't come in for a shave!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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