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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun team building activities and other funny jokes |
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Bed Joke
Who stole the sheets from the bed? Bed buglars.
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Statistics and Math Joke
Analysis:1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig. 2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant). 3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem. Number theory:1. First factorize, second multiply. 2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in. Algebra:1. Step 1. Show that the parts of it can be put into the refrig. Step 2. Show that the refrig. is closed under the addition. 2. Take the appropriate universal refrigerator and get a surjection from refrigerator to elephant. Topology:1. Have it swallow the refrig. and turn inside out. 2. Make a refrig. with the Klein bottle. 3. The elephant is homeomorphic to a smaller elephant. 4. The elephant is compact, so it can be put into a finite collection of refrigerators. That's usually good enough. 5. The property of being inside the referigerator is hereditary. So, take the elephant's mother, cremate it, and show that the ashes fit inside the refrigerator. 6. For those who object to method 3 because it's cruel to animals. Put the elephant's BABY in the refrigerator. Algebraic topology:Replace the interior of the refrigerator by its universal cover, R^3. Linear algebra:1. Put just its basis and span it in the refrig. 2. Show that 1% of the elephant will fit inside the refrigerator. By linearity, x% will fit for any x. Affine geometry:There is an affine transformation putting the elephant into the refrigerator. Set theory:1. It's very easy! Refrigerator = { elephant } 2) The elephant and the interior of the refrigerator both have cardinality c. Geometry:Declare the following:Axiom 1. An elephant can be put into a refrigerator. Complex analysis:Put the refrig. at the origin and the elephant outside the unit circle. Then get the image under the inversion. Numerical analysis:1. Put just its trunk and refer the rest to the error term. 2. Work it out using the Pentium. Statistics:1. Bright statistician. Put its tail as a sample and say 'Done. '2. Dull statistician. Repeat the experiment pushing the elephant to the refrig. 3. Our NEW study shows that you CAN'T put the elephant in the refrigerator.
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Short Joke
December '26
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Bar Joke - 2
Absent Minded: Opens his vest, pulls out his tie, and pisses in his pants. Clever: Uses no hands, shows off by fixing tie with both hands, looks around for admiration, and sometimes ends up pissing on the floor and onto his shoes. Cross-eyed: Looks into urinal on the left, pisses into the one in the center, and flushes the one on the right. Desperate: Waits in a long time, teeth floating and feet shuffling. Starts to piss as he walks up to urinal but before he can unzip himself. Lets out a long groan and grunt as he finally gets to relieve himself. Disgruntled: Stands for a while, grunts, gives up, and walks away. Drunk: Holds left thumb in right hand and pisses into his pants. Easily induced: Any thought, mention, sight, or slosh of a liquid, from sipping coffee to a runny nose, causes bladder to immediately signal full condition. Efficient: Waits until he has to crap, then does both at once. Erect: Either because his bladder is full or he just saw a sexy woman, his penis is so erect that he must thrust his buttocks backward a bit to be able to pull his member out of his pants. Gets pubic hair caught up in his zipper. Excitable: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find the hole, and ends up ripping his shorts or jamming the zipper into his shirttail. Flashy: Tells loud jokes while pissing; shakes off drops with a great flourish. Frivolous: Plays stream up and down and across the urinal. Likes to see how many bubbles he can make froth up. Tries to hit and sink the cigarette floating around in the water. Has never really grown up. Indifferent: If all the urinals are being used, he goes into a toilet stall to piss. If all the toilet stalls are taken also, he pisses into the sink or garbage can. Little: Stands on a box to piss into the urinal, falls in, drowns. Nosey: Looks into the next urinal to compare himself with the other guy's organ. Patient: Stands very close for a long time waiting, reading the paper with his free hand. Playful: Spots a friend's shoes under the divider wall and redirects aim accordingly. Scientific: Backs up from the urinal to take a long shot, misses, and pisses on shoes. Slob: Does not bother to flush urinal after using it, drips all over his shoes and pants when zipping himself back up, and does not bother to wash hands as he leaves with his fly undone. Usually has to adjust his balls afterwards as he is sitting down. Sneak: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, and knows that the man next to him will be blamed. Sociable: Joins friends in piss whether he has to go or not. Timid: Cannot urinate if someone is watching, pretends to, and then flushes the urinal as if he has already used it. Sneaks back in once everyone has left the restroom. Tough: Bangs dick against side of urinal to dry it. Worried: Is not sure of what he has been into lately and makes a quick inspection.
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Elephant Joke
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court ? Annette !
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Funny Kids Joke
A man had his hand crushed in a work accident. When the surgeon was assessing the damage the man asked 'Will I be able to play the piano after the operation?'
'But of course you will. ' said the surgeon.
'That's great,' said the man, 'I could never play before. '
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Humor Joke
A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. 'We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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