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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun science activities and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Humor
A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a smalltown. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use herposition to try to influence the new student. She asks theclass, 'Who was the greatest man that ever lived?'A girl raises her hand and says, 'I think George Washingtonwas the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Fatherof our country. ' The teacher replies, 'Well. . . that's a goodanswer, but that's not the answer I am looking for. 'Another young student raises his hand and says, 'I thinkAbraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because hefreed the slaves and helped end the civil war. ' . . . 'Well, that'sanother good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for. 'Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, 'I thinkJesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived. ' Theteacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. 'Yes!' she says, 'that's the answer I was looking for. ' She then brings him up tothe front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop. Later, during recess, another Jewish boy approaches him as heis licking his lollipop. He says, 'Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?'The boy stops licking his lollipop and replies, 'I know it'sMoses, and YOU know it's Moses, but business is business. '
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Bar Joke - 1
A man walks into a bar and says, 'Bartender, give me two shots. ' Bartender says, 'You want them both now or one at a time?' The guy says, ' Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here, ' and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks 'He can drink?' 'Oh, sure. He can drink. ' So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. 'That's amazing' says the bartender. 'What else can he do, can he walk?' The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, 'Hey, Jake. Go get that. ' The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man. The bartender is in total shock. 'That's amazing' he says, 'what else can he do? Does he talk?' The man says 'Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!'
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Funny Kids Joke
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm?it has a blue light!
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first. A: Two - one to say 'She'll be right mate' and one to fetch the beers. A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say 'Good on yer, mate!'
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Mental health Joke
Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive. Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Becca ! Becca who ? Becca the net !
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Funny College Joke
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the wife cook in the dark. A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle. Why do men like air-headed women? Opposites attract. If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them!How do you blind a woman? Put a windshield in front of her face. How many men does it take to mop a floor? None. It's a woman's job. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. Don't be sexist. Broads hate that!Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman!How many women does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them. Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen or the bedroom ???What do you do if your dishwasher stops working? Marry a new one !!How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. . . there's a clock on the oven!
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Sad Joke
A guy goes in to apply at the U. S. Postal Service for a job. During the interview, the interviewer asks the guy if he is a veteran. The guy says 'Yes, I fought over in Vietnam. ' Then the interviewer asks if the guy has any disabilities. The guy responds, 'Well, I stepped on a land mine over there and blew my testicles off. ' 'Great!, ' responds the interviewer. . . we give disabled Vet preference. 'You can start tomorrow morning at 10 a. m. ''But doesn't everyone normally start at 8 a. m. ?', asks the guy. 'Yes, but you don't have to come in until 10. . . All we do is just stand around and scratch our balls for the first two hours anyway!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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